I'm What!
by Wiseman99
Summary: edward gets jacob pregnant. enough said.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm What?!**

**Yes another crackfic I came up with cause I was bored and high on sugar (that and my friends thought this would be hilarious)**

**Now on with the fanfic and I do not own twilight otherwise Aro would be dead. ^_^**

**P.S. Flame all you want I'm using Seth as a shield.**

Prolouge: Be Careful what you drink

**(Jacob's POV)**

It was the end of the school year and Alice and Zack had decided, more like commanded, that we have a party. In three days everything was set up except for the special 'surprise' Zack had planned for the party.

Still it was great to end a year at Freedom Prep and all the craziness we had already encountered that year. With this in mind I found two bottles of strange pink colored bottles with a sticky note next to it.

'_This must the surprise Zack was talking abut, might as well get one for Nessie.'_

Picking up the drinks I didn't realize that I really should have read that sticky note before taking the drinks.

**(Edward's POV)**

I was enjoying my time with Bella when I saw Jacob walk by with some weird drinks in his hand.

'_What is that mutt going to do, spike the punch?'_

Pushing my way through the mass of people and caught up with Jacob and took one of the vials out of his hands.

"Leach what are you doing?"

"Stopping you from spiking the punch mutt."

"This is not alcohol it's Zack's surprise I was talking about."

"Really then prove it."

"Fine." With that Jacob swallowed the entirety of the vial he was holding then grabbed the other one.

"But you have to have some too!" and with that the mutt threw the contents of the vial at my face with some going down my throat.

'_When I'm through with that sexy idiot he'll regret ever doing that.'_

Wait sexy but I was straight. I mean I was married and had daughter for God Sake!

Still everything became a blur as we tussled each other upstairs and into a spare bedroom.

(Third Person POV)

Alice came over to Zack to compliment him about their great job. "Hey Zack were is that big surprise you were talkig about."

'evil grin' "Oh it's outside where do you think everyone is going?"  
"So what was it?"

"A giant piñata of our principal."

**Wait so if that was Zack's surprise what was it that Jacob and Edward drank O-o**

**Read and find out**

**OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Emmett-Kids this a message from our sponsors never snort pixie sticks when writing a fanfic.**

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	2. Chapter 2

**I am What?**

**Chapter 1**

**I'm back people of the universe and with my newest installment of this story**

**Emmett- Please tell me you are at least mentally sound today**

**Yes, yes I am. Now on with the fanfic**

**Emmett- Wiseman does not own twilight only his own character**

**Who is Zack by the way for all those people wondering you wanna find out more about him read my other twilight fanfic Rising Sun and remember kids don't do drugs even if they look like candy**

**The next morning (Jacob's POV)**

I woke up with butt hurting like heck and when I looked over Nessie wasn't at my side, Edawrd was.

"What the hell did you do to me last night leach!?"

Edward seemed really pissed so when he answered there was no surprise there was venom in his voice.

"Shut it dog; I don't know what happened but it's your fault for getting those drinks in the first place."

"Why's that?"

"Because as soon as we both drank one we ended up in here having well you know…"

"So basically we never talk about this again?"

"Yes this never happened."

In my life I have learned that fate and life like to screw with you but man this was going be the worst they ever screwed with me.

**Three Days Later (Nessie's POV)**

A woke up to hear Jacob puking again.

'sigh' "Jake are you sure your okay. I mean this has been going on for three days."

Just then Jacob came out of the bathroom wearing a clean set of pajama bottoms on. It was then I noticed.

"Jake are you getting fat?"

"What do you mean my body is constantly burning energy how could I get fat?"

"Well you got a paunch forming."

He looked down at his stomach then back up to me.

"I think we need to see Carslisle."

With that we left our room and walked down the carpeted hall to Carlisle's office.

After a few hours a scream was heard throughout the house.

**(Down in the living room)**

"What was that?" Zack asked as pushed some of hair away from his face.

"Don't know but it kind of sounded like Jake." Replied Seth returning his attention to the movie they were currently watching _30 Days of Night _Emmett laughing at the irony of it while Zack and Seth sat on two huge bean bag chairs with Kayla and Reesa resting against (Kayla with Zack, Reesa with Seth)

Suddenly Jacob came into the room and was dragging Zack by his hair.

"Ow What did I do Jake?"

"What did you do! What did you do!? I'll tell you what you did, you got me pregnant!"

A stunned silence filled the room before the captive blond eburst into a fit of laughter. "He he… I … did… what?"

"You heard me you little twerp you got me pregnant." With this Jacob threw Zach out the window only to have a hawk come in scratch him in the face and transform back into Zack **(Zack's power is shapeshifting)**

"Ok let me get this straight, I a vampire who already has a girlfriend got her male dad knocked up."

"No but that special drin kyou gave everyone did."

"What special drink?"

"You know the one I found two little bottles with pink stuff in them on a table in the corner and took them and drank and threw the rest at Edward."

Zack seemed to get nervous and had look on his face that clearly said something was wrong. "Um Jacob the surprise for the party was a giant pinata of our principal that everyone took a whack at, there was no special drink."

"Then what was in those pink bottles?"

Zack's turned to surprise as he went upstairs and came down with a book.

"Did you say pink bottles?"

"Yeah why?"

'facepalm' "You idiot that wasn't a drink that was a love potion I was working to get rid of those girls that have been stalking me!"

"Wait a love potion?"

"Yeah it's supposed to make the person who drinks it fall in love with the first person they see. A whole bottle equals four people so when you and Edward drank them both and looked at each you, well in moron's terms went into heat with him."

There was a long akward silence in the large room as everyone realized what this meant. Unfortunately Emmett was paticulary bright that day and figured it out first.

"Dude that means you slept with Edward!!!" he was lauging his butt off when the rest of the family came from various places hearing that. That included Edward who looked like he was about to kill a certain wolf.

"What. Did. You. Tell. Them. You .Stupid. Mutt." Edward said gritting his teeth in anger giving his death glare to Jacob

"Hey I didn't say anything they figured it out themselves especially considering that I am pregnant with your child." With this Jacob lifted his shirt to show the paunch that was slowly forming.

If vampires could faint Edward would have been knocked out as soon as he heard the word pregnant but now that he saw the paunch he just wanted to die.

'_Damn immortality how am I going to get out of this?"_

Bella seemed curious with Jacob and Edward's predictament. "Ok how could they get pregnant I mean their both guys that is something me and Reneesme are both positive on?"

Zack came out of his hiding spot and began his lecture, explaining how he had found this store at the mall that sold spells and such and how he had used the recipe in the book to create a love potion in an attempt to get rid of his stalker fangirls but when he went to get the drinks they were missing the sticky note saying **For Zack Fangirls Only** still on the table and had thought nothing of it. "So basically considering they overdosed on it there were unexpected side-effects to this but I'm friends with the woman that owns the shop so maybe she can help us."

Carlisle was relieved that for once one of his children had a plan to fix something they messed up without causing more problems. "Still how can we explain what we are?"

A smirk formed on Zack's face as he simply said. "Oh I don't we have anything to hide from Eveline."

With this everyone headed to their cars and were off to the mall.

**Yay another chapter done and sorry for it taking so long it's just that I have had a lot of homework and family problems going on and haven't had the time plus I've been busy packing for my trip to New York City**

**Remember **

**Read and Review**

**(Or Jacob's gonna get it)**


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